A year ago at this time, I was trying to deal with all of the feelings of loss that the idea of my parents’ divorce was causing. I grew up with my mom and dad in love, and there for each other and me. Mommy loved Daddy and that was enough for me. I suppose everyone thinks that Mommy and Daddy will always be together until they die, and I did too. When dad said he’d asked mom for a divorce, even though I knew it was for the best and had seen it coming over the past few years, it still felt like someone had just pulled the rug out from under me. The rug that I grew up with and never really looked at, never really knew was there was suddenly gone, and it was a long fall to the ground.
This year, Dad’s found a new woman that I don’t know as a person, and Jared’s living with his girl more than 60 miles from me. Mom found a new job, a new house in a new city, new friends in the new city more than 300 miles away from me, and Megan found a new school more than an ocean away from me. Everything I’ve held dear as far as close family goes is scattering to the wind. I feel like I’m left behind. Everyone I knew as a child is far away from me, and the people close to me are wonderful, but just not a substitute. They aren’t meant to be, of course. One’s boyfriend isn’t supposed to be like your sister (otherwise you’d be in love with your sister, yikes), but when all I have is some close friends and my love, I miss my family.
I think that of all of the people gone, I miss Megan the most. Even as I type this, my eyes still brim with tears. She’s just not here. I can’t go see her cats, I can’t make cupcakes with her. She can’t help me do my hair in ringlets for a party, or dye it for me. I can’t have a girl’s night out (or in) with her now, and all of the late night talks about men and love are gone. I don’t have anyone I can do that with here. There’s no one I can sit down on my couch with and remember with and ask advice from all in the same night. And there won’t be for another year and a half. ::sniffle:: I want my sister back. I want my whole family back.