I’ve been feeling pretty down for the past two weeks or so. I usually am able to get myself out of a slump just by concentrating on stuff that I enjoy, but sometimes I just get so down that I just keep turning back to what I can’t do, or what I don’t like. I’m just restless, I think. I like to DO things. I like to work with my hands, I like to see new places and take pictures, I like to work with kids.. etc. I’m just not one of those people who can sit home all day for more than a week and not feel caged. I need to create. That’s why I’m so crazy-crafty. I like making stuff with my hands. I’m never happier than when I’m sitting in the middle of a pile of glue or paints or paper or costumes… etc. I’ve even found that I like sewing, probably for that same reason. It’s creative too. These two weeks have been difficult for me because I’m lacking the basic materials that I need to be crafty. I don’t have a costume to make, I don’t have new places to take photos, I don’t have the materials I need to make Kanzashi, and I can never draw when I’m down. They always come out looking awful. So, I’m feeling restless. Poor Larken has been trying to cheer me up, but sometimes I just want to sit at home and keep my poopy moods to myself. John’s at his wit’s end trying to find a way to get me un-depressed, but there’s just no cure for restlessness when you have nothing to do all day.
John’s in Peachtree City with his mother this weekend. I seriously needed some alone-time, so he’s gone until late late Monday night. I’ve been trying to concentrate on how nice being alone right now feels, instead of how everyone’s trying to cheer me up. I have to say, it’s mostly working. I felt better yesterday than I had all week. Good enough to clean up the house a bit and work on another web page drawing. Of course, it’s another girl with wings, but this time I’m tempted to give her pink hair. This would seriously kill the blue/orange color scheme I have going on right now, so I’m thinking of changing it to something a bit more pink friendly, but I have NO clue what. Tell me, if you know. Anyway, last night I took a bath for two hours before bed, so I was nice and relaxed. I laid down, and couldn’t sleep. It was awful. I just laid there, staring at the wall, for what seemed like forever. Then I realized that my fingers had been holding the sheets on John’s empty side of the bed. Damn it! I have a perfectly nice day alone, but when it comes time to sleep I can’t because I miss the person who left me alone? Grrr. Stupid. So, I finally got to sleep, but not before feeling even more pathetic than usual.