John said something to me to the other day that made me think. He said it to me when I was ranting on the holier-than-thou people that think they’re better than you because they go to church more often. He says “Heather, everyone has to feel better than someone else, otherwise there’s no reason to get out of bed in the morning.” I thought about it for a while, and said “But I don’t fee-” John interrupted me with “You think you’re smarter than a lot of girls out there, don’t you?” ::think:: Well, yeah… but that doesn’t mean I’m better.” John says again “You value your intelligence over your looks, don’t you?” “Of course.” I reply. “Then you have more of what you value than the brainless girls do. Thus, you are better.” Megan also mentioned something to this effect a while ago. She says I’m very judgmental, and I am. Very. You know that US ‘innocent until proven guilty’ think? Well, mine is ‘brainless and stupid until proven smart or unique’. I judge people by their looks, by their voice, by the clothes they wear. I don’t ever think they could be anything but stupid and sheep-like unless they wear something different than other girls do. Now here’s the question: Why do I do this? Am I so desperate to be better than the masses? Am I fighting ageist conformity? Maybe I’m just returning the favor I got in school, being labeled as a dork and shunned. If so, I’m no better than the girls that look down their noses at me for not dressing for fusion. I don’t want to be stuck up or snobby. I had enough of that in school. But for some reason, I just cannot stop myself from automatically thinking of any girl I meet as stupid until she says something that proves her otherwise.