This could also be titled “Why I will probably never ever get a perm ever again.” or maybe “Why I was nearly crying in Kroger.” or even “I should just get a buzz cut and start all over.”

So, Thursday of last week, I went into the salon to get my hair done. I get it colored quarterly and it was getting nasty and time to make it pretty and red again. While there, I tell her that I wish the salon does perms because my sister had gotten a ‘body wave’ and it made her hair look fabulous. The ends curled under nicely and it had a lot of volume. The salon lady chirped “Oh, we do!”, so I decided to go for it.

She rolled up all of my hair and I went through probably the second or third (right behind broken arms and bee stings) most painful thing in my life. The rollers pulled, the chemicals burned my head, the solution smelled horrible. I just wanted to call it all off, but I kept thinking of Megan’s beautiful hair with it’s flipped under ends. So, thinking that the perm would damage my hair if too much color was applied the same day, she opted to go for a cream-based color on my icky brown roots and a gel-based semi-permanent on the rest. She styles it a little and then lets me go after 5 hours of torture.

48 hours later when I’m finally allowed to was it, I get in the shower. The minute it gets wet, a curious… buttered popcorn jellybean smell begins to waft from my hair. I mean, WTF?? I hate that smell!! The bottom of the tub is covered in red water when I get out. I dry it off a little and look in the mirror and what do I find? ALL of the gel color is GONE. Seriously, I had red red roots and blonde hair. Then, as it dries, it gets.. frizzy. The ends don’t curl under at all, they freaking stand out. I look like a cocker spaniel. Really really.

I left a facebook message with the stylist because the salon was closed and she got me right in the next day they were open, Tuesday morning. So I go in and she goes “Oh, hunny… If your hair ever looks like that again, you tell anyone who asks that you got that done at Walmart, okay?” So, she recolored my hair, puts some sort of keratin treatment on it to smooth it out a little and then shows me how to roll the ends of it under while I’m drying it with a hair dryer. It looks AMAZING and with her tips, I feel confident that I can do this myself at home.

Yeah, right. I washed it today and while the color stayed in, it began to dry frizzy again. I was prepared for this. I got out my hair dryer and the round bristly brush I bought fresh for this. Only.. I have two arms and I seem to need four of them. 🙁 I can’t seem to get my brush under the hair without hitting myself in the face with the brush (ow), then trying to get my arms around and point the hair dryer at the brush without blowing the hair right off the brush. Oh my dear lord, I think I dropped the brush a few times, dropped the hairdryer a few times, speared myself in the eye with the brush at least once and finally said to hell with it.

I stormed out of the house to go buy a damn curling iron. Only…  Walgreen’s didn’t have any. Rite Aid didn’t have any.. I sulked into the Sally Beauty supply and begged a woman to show me what I should buy. I left with a nice curling iron for $20, then went to Kroger to look at food. Just as I stepped in the door, Frankie called with a idea about replacing the studio couch. We have two, and we’ve chatted about replacing both at some point, but we have to spend our money on other things first. So she says it’s on sale and I say that I don’t think we need one. We spend about 10 minutes going back and forth and I’m getting more and more frustrated. Finally it comes out that she’s talking about the OTHER couch, the one it makes much more sense to replace now, I don;t know why I thought of the other one first. I finally hang up the phone and I’m standing in Kroger, looking at what seems to be miles and miles of food and I was so overwhelmed and frustrated at this point that I couldn’t buy anything. I just left to go home and eat before I burst into tears in the grocery store.

I should have stayed in bed. 🙁 My hair STILL doesn’t look as good as it did when she did it.