Actual phrases that have come out of my kids’ mouths:

Child: Miss Hedder! I need to tell you a secret!
Me: Wassat?
Child: (whispers in my ear) I love you…

Child: (holding up a lump of playdough) I made poopie!

Me: I’d be so happy if you peepeed in the potty next time.
Child: I sorry. I no mean to peepee in my diaper.

Me: (Just walked in to work) Morning!
Child: (pointing to his butt) Miss Hedder. I can’t talk to you. I got diarrhea!

Child: (pointing to his penis) It’s just too big!
Me: It’s what? Who told you that?
Child: Daddy.

Chil: (running back from the bathroom) I peeped the pot!

Me: Your pants are falling down again.
Child: Yeah! I need a belt!

Child: (holding up a large and small stick) It’s a mama stick and a baby stick!

Child: (hands down her pants) Look Miss Hedder! I got a body!

Child: Miss Heather… I like your breasts.
Me: You what?
Child: I like your breasts. I have a penis.
Me: Oookay.. we’re not talking about that anymore.

Child: (spinning around in circles) I’m so busy!

Child: (pointing at her nose) I gots burgers!

Me: We’re having some cole slaw too!
Child: No. It’s COLD SLOP.

Me: Here, take this egg, okay?
Child: Thank you! That’s so sweet!