Anyone who ever though being a pro photographer was easy is so wrong, but anyone who thought running a business for real is easy is even ore wrong.
I just got off the phone with my accountant (that sounds to official, doesn’t it?). I owe him $250 for doing my junk for me. I owe federal $2150 and state and ther $250 for taxes. ::cry::
I’ll be out of town for my mother’s wedding this weekend. I already miss my kitty, and I haven’t left yet! She’s sleeping on my legs right now, snoring. The upside is I get some new shots for my wedding section.
I went to ship some orders today and my car didn’t start. ::cry:: I turn the key and nothing happens. I know I didn’t screw up and leave the lights on again because the radio comes on. Just no engine turnover. John’ looking at it tomorrow. With luck it’ll be an easy/cheap fix.
Larken is picking me up Thursday to get my hair cut at the same place she got hers done last time. Hopefully it won’t be the massacre it was at the last place.
This has been just killing me lately. I need to vent.
Correct use:
1. Possessiveness.
ex: The hat the boy has is the boy’s hat.
The car’s tires.
2. Denoting missing letters.
ex: You are coming over later. You’re coming over later.
Can Not - Can’t
NEVER:
Plurals!!!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read “photo’s” this week. No!
No for too many car’s.
No for a load of banana’s.
No to answering phone’s.
You don’t take photo’s.
You don’t visit store’s.
You don’t visit for the holiday’s.
You don’t buy Christmas tree’s.
You should never have a list of thing’s.
I don’t have multiple cat’s.
::cry:: End of my rant.
I’m so cranky today.
I’m generally worried about business. I worry that I’m some no-talent hack and that’s why I’ve got a few clients who can’t seem to get orders in. I worry that I’m not creative enough to cut it. Another photographer in town and I are idly thinking about partnering up on a few things to send each other some business, but I’m worried I’ll just be sponging of of her because she’s been in business longer. I don’t know what I can equally contribute.
I want a new website. My current business site can only handle pictures 550px across, and I just don’t feel like that’s large enough to really draw the type of high-end clients I want. I love the PhotoIdentities sites. They’re running a $300 special on a forum I’m on, but August has been dead and we’re broke apart from what we’ve saved to get to NY. I’m not sure if NY is going to happen, and I could just cry about it.
John’s still gone 3-4 days a week taking care of his mother’s broken foot. I’m tired of being alone at night. PMS makes it worse this week.
Lots of people I know are having babies soon, and it’s inevitable that I think about babies. I’m scared that one day, I’ll want kids. I’m not so scared of the kids themselves as I am the fact that we can’t possibly afford it if I did want some. We’re not married, John’s still in school and my job’s not stable. I’m terrified that somehow I’ll screw up and wind up pregnant anyway and we’ll be faced with the question to keep, abort, or adopt it out.
I donated a newborn session to a local Maternity fair’s silent auction. I set out a display on a table easel, a set of cards, a portfolio for people to look through and a gift bag that held the auction win details. Whoever won the auction took everything but my cards, including the damn portfolio. What the hell? Who needs a folder full of photos of other people’s kids?!? I haven’t a clue who won it, or if I’ll get it back. I just hope it wasn’t a competitor looking to steal my stuff. I got inquiries from another ‘pro’ photographer a while back and I know she just wanted to know my session policies.
I need to stop whining and sign off.
John comes back today! I hate it when he’s gone. I get scared of people breaking in. He’s a black belt, so I don’t worry when he’s here, but last night I got so scared I dug his sword out from under the bed and slept with it IN the bed next to me.
On another note, I spent 3 hours today filling up my Holiday Cards templates and JPEGing them so clients can see. Total PITA, but it’ll be worth it when people see what adorable cards I’m offering. If you’re curious, check them out here: www.clportraits.com/clients/index.php?do=photocart&vi…
I dreamed last night that I was pregnant… again. This is the third time this month I’ve had pregnant dreams. Arg, I really thought they’d be a few more years in coming, honestly. I don’t want kids. John doesn’t want kids. We’re sick of people telling us ‘you’ll change your mind’, but the thought of being pregnant is becoming less and less disturbing over time. This dream I was just two weeks in and John and I had decided to keep the baby (as opposed to aborting early, because I’m pro-choice). It was already as big as my fist, so i was insanely worried that I was much more than 2 weeks in, but I’d had my period the month before. When I woke up, I actually had to feel on my belly to make sure there wasn’t anything there, and for a few minutes in my sleep-haze, I was disappointed. Dammit body, NO to babies! We don’t have the finances, the patience or the desire!
In other news, I’m stopping the 365 photos thing. I haven’t touched a camera in 6 days, and it’s been more and more of a PITA to keep up with. I will continue to take fun photos and share a little bit of the day, but it won’t be every day anymore.
Last night, John got a call from his mother letting him know that his uncle Robert (his dad’s younger brother) had passed away. Robert had diabetes (or if you’re the quaker oats guy, it’s Diabeetus) and wasn’t doing so well at all for the past few years. He’d been admitted to the hospital for pneumonia, but died before antibiotics helped. John left with morning at 7am with his dad to go to Mississippi until next week. It upset John a lot too. Robert was an eternally cheerful person, and really did make the world brighter.
The week of death is really hitting me hard. I haven’t been sleeping well at all, and I’ve got this unending headache that no about of Aleve will get rid of. Sabina’s memorial service is tomorrow afternoon, and I’m sure her death will really hit me hard sometime before or afterwards. I haven’t had a fully dry-eyed day this whole week.
I find myself thinking about what it must be like for her parents. I met her in February and she was bright and vibrant. It never even occurred to me that she’d never get better, or be dead within three months. How much harder is it for them to face her empty room and know that at some point they’ll have to do something with her things? How terrible is it to know that all your friends are mothers you know because of your daughter?
I’m giving her a sideshow of all the photos I took of Sabina, a few 5×7’s I still had, and a packet of seeds to plant. I feel like it’s not enough to give though.
I got the call I’d been dreading this evening. I sobbed into the phone for 20 minutes, and I’m still teary now. The e-mail they sent says it better than I can.
“Dear Ones,
It is with a heavy heart that we pass along this news. Sabina’s life on earth ended this afternoon. She was surrounded by all of those she loved the most. Bless her heart…she was putting up a strong fight at the end, as she did throughout the past 10 months. Sabina is such an inspiration. She has changed our lives, and I know she has touched each of you as well.
Although many of you on this list never knew Sabina, you all reached out to help during her most trying times. Her family feels your support, and appreciates each of you. We will continue to let you know how you can help provide support to her family. As soon as funeral arrangements are announced, we will let you know.
You’re thoughts and prayers for Sabina and her family are welcome. May we always remember Sabina’s courage, zest for life, and love for others.
For Sabina,
Georgia and Jennifer”
Georgia and Jennifer are Sabina’s mom’s friends, and wonderful people. Even though I only met her twice, Sabina touched my life and my career in a way that I never expected.
Well, it looks like all we got was poo. All night, but it’s better than puking all night. We’re limiting ourselves to popsicles and crackers today, but I think we’re over most of it.
John’s been on and off of the toilet all day with the runs. I called and asked Blix if it’s the precursor to the nasty stomach bug his family has been passing around this week. We went over on Saturday, but everyone had been over it for a while. Sure enough, the screaming shits are indeed what comes before you throw up for hours. Wonderful. John hasn’t thrown up yet, but he’s been carrying around a bucket (”Hey, honey. I has a bucket!”) all evening. I started with poo about an hour ago.
So, if you don’t hear from me for a bit, it’s because I’m busy throwing up my toenails. Here’s praying we only get the poo.
