Incidents and accidents

Now your penis will fit only in pelican’s mouth.
Your big penis will melt her icy heart.
Without any doubt women revere hard and big sausages.
keep the kitty kat happy and make ya cock massive
stretch her ass wide open with your new dick size
She will love you more than any other guy
Your new big penis will win you a reputation of unsurpassed lover
Studies show you need 7 inches
Enlong Your Schlong.
A real man should have a real cock. Here it is!
will she wait or has she found a bigger dick already?
no need to feel shy when you slap her in the face with ya dick
Very-very magic stick
A small penis has one advantage - it requires less soap.

1. I hate The Simpsons show.

2. I’m not going to see the movie.

3. I dislike the art style.

4. I did kinda have fun with www.simpsonizeme.com.

Chris and Trin got married this weekend. I wanted to parade Trin around outside for a while to get some wedding pictures to use in my portfollio, but it was 28 degrees out. We farted around in the basement room of the wedding venue for a while, but there was so little light there that the pictures didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped. Thank goodness she didn’t hire me to be her photographer! I need to find the mom of the two girls in red because I badly want to use some of those for my website. Watch out: tons of photos…. because I can.

Doomhammer server:

Nashu: 40 Tauren Warrior
Colibri: 45 Gnome Warrior
Calypte: 8 Blood Elf Rogue

Five minutes ago:

Heather: So, I could get an $800 website for $500 right now.
John: Is that a hint, or is it supposed to make me run away?
Heather: Neigher, I was just laughing at it. If I had $800 I sure wouldn;t be spending it on a website.
John: No? What then?
Heather: A backup camera, duh. ::pause:: Wait, DO we have $800??
John: Uh, no….
Heather: I could… repay you in… blowjobs!
John: Nowa___ Wait, what? ::pause:: That would be a LOT of blowjobs.
Heather Not that many. How much is a blowjob anyway?
John: I could probably get one in Atlanta for about $30.
Heather: ::grabs calculator:: So.. the $2750 camera I want would be 91 blowjobs.
John: Yeeeess___ wait, no! We don’t have the cash!
Heather: ::pause for a few minutes:: How about 670?
John: :: eyes light up:: Blowjobs?
Heather: No, dollars, silly. I could get the other one I like for $670. That’s 23 blowjobs.
John: ::gritting teeth:: Don’t. Have. The. Cash!

Yikes. The end of October and begining of November iare shaping up to be quite hectic.

Sunday, Oct 29: John’s black belt test @ 1:30
Monday, Oct 30: Practice shoot with Olivia @ 4pm
Tuesday, Oct 31: Halloween!
Wednesday, Nov 1: DITL day
Thurday Nov 2: Business lunch with a doula @ 11:30
Friday, Nov 3: Paid shoot with an adorable boy @ 9am
Saturday, Nov 4: seXXXyhalloween in ATL until 2am
Sunday, Nov 5: Paid maternity shoot @ noon

I get to edit like mad for a week, then K and QJ’s wedding is on November 11th! I get to go up a little early and do some practice bridal portraits before the real photographer gets there. After the 11th, though.. nothing. I sure hope I get some calls soon!

Larken’s murder party was last night. She sent us all a character packet with the following:
“Dr Robert Corpse was discovered dead in his office two weeks ago. It was the eve of his press conference to announce his cure for earlobe cancer. The situation speaks of foul play, but the coroner could not immediately decipher the cause of death at the scene. However, the autopsy will be concluded this evening, at which time the morgue has strict instructions to contact Bailiff Pepper with the cause of death. Until then, I, Kate Beyotch (the proprietor of Mr. Corpse’s estate) will be holding a dinner party with both suspects and witnesses; because I want to watch you all squirm.

Larken - Kate Beyotch (rich lesbian)
Me - Fifi Delacroix (Beyotch’s crazy french maid)
Jon - Sgt. Pepper (baliff)
Kevin - Dr. Berliner (famed German scientist)
Tim - Father Paul (catholic priest)
Angel - Duchess Marie Sussexshirelichtenstrauss
Blixem - Hank Greenspan (Wall street Investor )
Stephen - Skip Drake (Mr. Corpse’s personal pilot)
Meredith - Enya MoonUnit (Liberal activist )
Jeff - Chet Treewood (Boy Band member)
John - Nick, the Notsosecret Ninja

A grand time was had by all. I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself. I was playing a bat-shit crazy french maid (yes, I wore the costume) who was terrible as a maid. I dropped several pasta noodles, stumbled over people, threw bread at the guests, and told people that Larken’s character sounded like a purple diswasher and tasted like blue. Blixem and Stephen were being somewhat male chauvanist pigs and kept ‘dropping things’ for the maid to pick up and making comments about my ass. Stephen slurped his beer loudly durring the preist’s mealtime prayer. John ’sneaked’ on tiptoe across the middle of a very crowded room. Angel was even asked if she had a penis. It was a great party.
About 1/2 the party (A preist, a french maid, a lesbian, a tree-hugger, and a prom-queen all go into a store…) went out to the store IN COSTUME because the bottom fell out of the mason jar that Blixem was making alfredo sauce in. He even called a grocery store and had ‘Fifi Delacriox’ paged to the front counter! It was only when we got back that we learned, because he’d called the wrong store. The kicker to this whole story is that the woman in line behind us invited us to a costume party she’s throwing on the 28th.
To see the rest of the photos, go here.

Me: Hey honey, it’s ‘Talk Like a Pirate Day!’
John: What? Where?
Me: Everywhere! It’s International Talk like a Pirate Day.
John: Yarrr!

A bit of an actual conversation between John and I last night at bedtime.

Me: “How is it that the sheet ends up over there andthe whole blanket ends up over here?”
John: “I think I kick them off in the night.”
Me: “Yeah, but why not both? No, they part ways and migrate. It’s like you.”
John: “I part ways and migrate?”
Me: “Well, your hair does. It parts ways with your shoulders and migrates to your butt.”
John: “It does not!”
Me: “No, it’s more like.. infestation. Contamination?”
John: ::pause:: “Heroic Journey.”

It’s also John and I’s 6 year anniversary today (or somewhere near today, since neither of us can remember what the actual day was). Since John will be at practice this evening, we’ll have lunch out and then on Sunday we’ll go to the flea market for some photo props and old video games. Happy 6 years, honey. Happy many more.

Thanks to Blixem for this list. It’s the list of words that Verizon employees may not use when speaking or writing to Verizon customers. As John pointed out, they might still be able to say ‘wang’ to us. My new favorite word: manloaf.

———- Forwarded message ———-
No Content provided to Subscribers of Verizon Wireless from Content Providers, whether in the form of text, audio, images, video or otherwise, may contain any of the words listed in Appendix A. This includes any variations in spelling of the words (e.g., fuck, phuck, fucks, fucker, fucked, fucking, etc.), any variations in pronunciation of the words (e.g., nigger, nigga, niggahs, etc.) or any combinations or creations containing any of the words (e.g., ass, assboy, asslicker, uptheass, etc.).
Nonetheless, it is not possible to compile a definitive list of unacceptable words. Language is fluid, with new words and phrases regularly entering the public vocabulary, and established meanings may change over time. For this reason, the list of prohibited words in Appendix A may change from time to time and is not meant to be all-inclusive.

anal
ass
bastard
beatoff
bitch
BJ
cameljockey
chink
circlejerk
clit
cock
coolie
coon
cornhole
cum
cunt
dago
deepthroating
dickhead
dickwad
dildo
dyke
eatme
fag
faggot
fellatio
fisting
fleshflute
fleshpopsicle
fornicate
fuck
fudgepacking
gangbang
genital
getlaid
gobtheknob
goldenshower
gook
hairpie
hardon
homo
honkey
jerkoff
jewboy
jizz
5
kike
lesbo
limey
manloaf
masturbate
muffdiver
nigger
nutsack
paki
panface
poontang
pubic
pussy
queef
queer
raghead
rimjob
rubyredbag
scrotum
shit
sitonmyface
sixtynine
slag
slant
sodomize
spankthemonkey
spearchucker
spic
spooge
teabagging
testicles
twat
vagina
wetback
whackoff
whipitout
whiteswallow
wop