Incidents and accidents

Archive for the ‘John-isms’ Category

Great big ones

November 7th, 2012

Me: (loading the dishwasher) Hey honey, I think we need to get some bigger bowls. Every time we want to have soup, it doesn’t fit into a small bowl, so we use a tupperware, but we can’t wash the tupperware in the dishwasher’s bottom level, so it just sits here all dirty until we can […]

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Uh huh.

January 25th, 2012

Me: “I like penguins. They’ so cute walking with their wings all out.” John: “Yep.. it’s like watching a man run with his pants down.”

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October 20th, 2011

John: I need to do laundry today.. badly. Heather: Oh yeah? John: I need to wash my gi. It smells like ball sweat. (leaves room) Heather: … John: (talking from the other room) A little body stank, but mostly ball sweat. Heather: Awesome.. thanks for telling me. John: (calling from the other room) Your life […]

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Smells just as sweet…

October 18th, 2011

John came home with a rose for me. “Is there a date I forgot about?” “No, no reason, just because I could.” “Oh! Well, thank you!!” …. “Did you do something bad I need sweetening up for?” “Well, I did crap in the bed…”

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June 27th, 2011

I walked into the kitchen today and found this. John strikes again.

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Gas baby

December 2nd, 2010

Heather: Uhg, I should NOT have had that pizza. It’s not happy in my belly at all. John: I’m sorry. 🙁 Heather: I mean, ick. Look at this. I have water retention and bloating. I could be having a baby. John: A gas baby. Heather: (LOL) Yeah, we could name it ‘Poot”. John: Uh, no… […]

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June 20th, 2010

John: Sometimes, you fart at night and just blow the covers right off. The cat looks at me like I’d killed her babies. Heather: That’s so not true! You need to be called the King of Bullshit. John: Oh no, my brother and dad would win that title easily. Maybe a Prince of Bullshit. That […]

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Oh. Emm. Gee.

April 24th, 2010

John and I are sitting on the couch. I have my laptop in my lap, which requires me to stretch out my feet. The couch isn’t long enough for me to do this without putting my feet in his lap as well. John: (begins rubbing my feet, stops to play with the roughest part) Me: […]

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Oh, the wang-manity!

January 13th, 2010

(Have been talking about silly names for girl-bits, like vagoo, vageener or other totally wrong names I refuse to ever use or acknowledge.) Heather: I could start calling your bits funny names. like, you could have a peeninnie. John: I could have a wang-tastrophe. Heather: *snerk* Is that what would happen if you beat people […]

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September 22nd, 2009

Me: Uhg. I know I’m getting sick. John: Yeah? How? Me: My head feels hot… and heavy.. John: Like the bologna of summer. Me: …

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