I normally don’t have bad dreams, but I had a whopper last night. I dreamed that I was at home, and a bunch of big black guys in black shirts came to get me. Not rape me or anything, just collect me and everyone else around. They were herding all of us into bars and nightclubs and large areas, because there was something coming. Well, it turns out that instead of herding us out of danger, they were purposefully herding us into it, into the places that would be hit first. I was watching out the window, looking to the sky, when I saw the first rockets. They were shuttle-type crafts, thousands of them. I knew they had people on them, people that were going to be safe, but the rockets started dropping bombs on everyone else. Bombs everywhere, people running all over the place. I ran right into Larken, Blixem, Munchie and Benji. She yelled “We have to make it to the train station! It’s our last chance south before nuclear winter!” I couldn’t find John and I was torn, but I told her I’d go with them to the train station in case he was there. The bad guys were waiting on us, so we got together with a lot of people and rushed the train station. It was a pretty train station, lots of people behind the counters, lots of maps and pretty things to look at. Just as we were getting there, it got very hot. I put my hand out to the door, and felt it rumble, but I was so scared of what had happened that I went in anyway, no matter what. As soon as the doors opened, I saw this haze of dust and people. Lots of dead people, no train station anymore. I looked around for John, but all I saw was a little girl in a green jumper dress holding a dead man’s hand. She was screaming “Daddy! NO!
This is the point that I wake up. I’ve had the dream once before but didn’t remember. I’ve seen that screaming child and her blown up daddy before, and this time I couldn’t forget it and go back to sleep. It wasn’t so bad when I was IN the dream, but now that I was awake enough to think about what I would do if any of that really happened, it was awful. The way I saw it, I had four choices. I could either wait for John and leave with him when he came back, I could wait for John and die here because he was already dead, I could go with Larken and find John there, or I could go with Larken and live the rest of my life knowing John was dead and I left him. I started trying to figure out what I would do, where I would go to look for him, what I would pack if I needed to leave alone.. etc. I’m not sure I could leave here without him. I might stay and hope for his return, but if he didn’t come, would I have the guts to leave alone and survive? Or would I chicken out and stay in my comfy home as long as possible until the power went out and I froze or starved?
I wandered into the kitchen and cried all over poor John for a while. I described the dream and how I felt, and my four choices. I think I made him cry a bit too, but I’m not sure of the reason. I also just couldn’t help looking outside to see if there were any bad men or rockets with bombs.
