I’m so cranky today.
I’m generally worried about business. I worry that I’m some no-talent hack and that’s why I’ve got a few clients who can’t seem to get orders in. I worry that I’m not creative enough to cut it. Another photographer in town and I are idly thinking about partnering up on a few things to send each other some business, but I’m worried I’ll just be sponging of of her because she’s been in business longer. I don’t know what I can equally contribute.
I want a new website. My current business site can only handle pictures 550px across, and I just don’t feel like that’s large enough to really draw the type of high-end clients I want. I love the PhotoIdentities sites. They’re running a $300 special on a forum I’m on, but August has been dead and we’re broke apart from what we’ve saved to get to NY. I’m not sure if NY is going to happen, and I could just cry about it.
John’s still gone 3-4 days a week taking care of his mother’s broken foot. I’m tired of being alone at night. PMS makes it worse this week.
Lots of people I know are having babies soon, and it’s inevitable that I think about babies. I’m scared that one day, I’ll want kids. I’m not so scared of the kids themselves as I am the fact that we can’t possibly afford it if I did want some. We’re not married, John’s still in school and my job’s not stable. I’m terrified that somehow I’ll screw up and wind up pregnant anyway and we’ll be faced with the question to keep, abort, or adopt it out.
I donated a newborn session to a local Maternity fair’s silent auction. I set out a display on a table easel, a set of cards, a portfolio for people to look through and a gift bag that held the auction win details. Whoever won the auction took everything but my cards, including the damn portfolio. What the hell? Who needs a folder full of photos of other people’s kids?!? I haven’t a clue who won it, or if I’ll get it back. I just hope it wasn’t a competitor looking to steal my stuff. I got inquiries from another ‘pro’ photographer a while back and I know she just wanted to know my session policies.
I need to stop whining and sign off.
